下面是小编整理的英语搞笑笑话，欢迎大家阅读!

英语搞笑笑话：The Same Duties

A retired four-star general ran into his former orderly, also retired, in a Manhattan bar and spent the rest of the evening persuading him to come work for him as his valet. Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in the army, the general said. Nothing to it-you'll catch on again fast.

Next morning promptly at eight o'clock, the ex-orderly entered the ex-general's bedroom, pulled open the drapes, gave the general a gentle shake, strode around the other side of the bed, spanked his employer's wife on her bottom and said, OK, sweetheart, it's back to the village for you.

相同的职责

一个退休的四星级将军在曼哈顿的一个酒吧偶然地遇到了他以前的勤务兵，勤务兵也退休在家。这位将军花了一整个晚上的时间来说服他回来做他的贴身随从。你的职责与在军队时完全一样，将军说，这没什么，你很快就会再次理解它的。

第二天早晨八点钟时，前勤务兵迅速地进到前将军的卧室，拉开窗帘，轻轻地摇了摇将军，然后大步走到床的另一侧，在他雇主的妻子屁股上拍了一下，说道：好了，甜心，你该回到村庄去了。

英语搞笑笑话：Five Months Older

The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.

But John's brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy's family name, so when he saw John's papers, he was surprised.

How old are you? he said.

Eighteen, sir, said John.

But your brother was eighteen, too, said the doctor. Are you twins?

Oh, no, sir, said John, and his face went red. My brother is five months older than I am.

大五个月

第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。

可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。

你多大了?军医问。

十八，长官。约翰说。

可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?

约翰脸红了，说：哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。

英语搞笑笑话：The Name of a Poet

Our teacher was telling us about a new system of memory training being used in some schools today.

It works like this， she said.Suppose you wanted tore member the name of a poetRobert Burns，for instance.She told us to think of him as Bobby Burns.Now get in your head a picture of a London policeman，a bobby in flames.See?Bobby Burns!

I see what you mean， said the class know it all.But how can you tell that it's Not Robert Browning?

诗人的名字

我们的老师正在给我们介绍现在某些学校使用的一种新的记忆训练系统。

这个系统是这样的，她说。假定你要记住一个诗人的名字例如，要记住罗伯特·彭斯的名字。她告诉我们把他当作博比·彭斯。让你的脑海里闪现出一个伦敦警察的形象，燃烧着的警察。明白吗?警察燃烧!

我明白你的意思，班上的万事通说。但是你怎么能说那就不是罗伯特·布朗宁呢?

英语搞笑笑话：

At the mall, my wife and I picked up some hardware items, including a handsaw. We were heading back to the car when we passed a steakhouse.

Let's try it. my wife suggested. Although I felt a little foolish carrying the saw, I followed her inside.

Scanning the menu, my wife told the waitress, I' 11 have chopped sirloin, please.

The waitress turned to me, eyed my saw and commented, And I see that. you, sir, have come for our T-bone special.

在集市上，我和妻子买了一些五金用品，包括一个手锯。我们返回汽车时刚好路过一家牛排店。

我们尝尝吧，我妻子建议说。尽管我觉得拿着锯有点傻乎乎的，但还是随她走了进去。

我妻子扫视了一下菜单对女招待说：请给我来一份炒牛腰片。

女招待转向我，看了看我的锯，说道：我能看出，先生，你是来吃我们的T形骨特色菜的。

英语搞笑笑话：狗也知道这个谚语吗?

The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.

"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"

"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。

“没有关系，”一位先生“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗?”

英语搞笑笑话：不是我的错

It's not my fault

Mother (reprimanding训斥，谴责 her small daughter): You mustn't pull the cat's tail.

Daughter: I'm only holding it, Mom. The cat's doing the pulling.

不是我的错

妈妈(正教训她的女儿)：你不该拽猫的尾巴。

女儿：妈，我只是握着猫尾巴，它自己在拽。

英语搞笑笑话：父亲在哪?

Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。

“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀!”

“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢?”

哥哥想了一会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”