下面是小编整理的英语幽默冷笑话，欢迎大家阅读!

英语幽默冷笑话：A New Employee

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office.

What is the meaning of this? the director asked. When you applied for the job, you told us you had five years' experience. Now we discover this is the first job you ever held.

Well, the young man said, in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination.

一个年轻人在被雇用几个星期后，被叫到人事经理的办公室。

这是什么意思?经理问，当你申请这份工作时，你告诉我们有五年工作经验，现在我们发现这其实是你的第一份工作。

嗯，年轻人回答，你们的广告上说需要找一个有想象力的人嘛。

英语幽默冷笑话：Two Pieces of Cake

Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?

Mom: Certainly----take this piece and cut it two!

两块蛋糕

汤姆：妈妈，我可以吃两块蛋糕吗?

妈妈：当然可以----拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧!

英语幽默冷笑话：Not Knowing Her Well

Wife: Bill, the man in that house opposite always kisses his wife when he leaves in the morning and he kisses her again when he comes back in the evening. Why don't you do that too?

Husband: Well, I don't know her very well yet.

我跟她还不熟

妻子：比尔，住在对面那所房子的那个男人早上出门前总要吻一下妻子，晚上回来时再吻一下，你为什么不那样做呢?

丈夫：哦，我跟她还不是很熟。

英语幽默冷笑话：

As a new father, I quickly learned the true meaning of maternal instinct. Late one night, I was summoned to the hospital to attend to one of my patients. I quietly got up in the dark but tripped over a toy and crashed to the floor. As I lay there rubbing my sore leg, my wife slept on.

Then there was a faint cough from the nursery . Debra leaped out of bed, running past me down the hall to our baby's room. When she returned, she looked at me and said, What on earth are you doing on the floor?

刚刚作了父亲，我就很快体会到母性本能的涵义了。一个深夜，医院召我去照应一位病人。我悄悄地在黑暗中起了床，但一只脚绊在一个玩具上，扑通一声摔在地板上。我倒在那里，揉着疼痛的腿，妻子毫无反应地继续睡着。

突然，保育宣传来轻微的咳嗽声。戴博拉跃下床来，从我身边跑过，下了客厅到我们婴儿的房间。她返回来时，看了看我说：你究竟在地板上干什么?

英语幽默冷笑话：Neither 都不是

It was local election time and the candidate was visiting all the houses in his area.

At one house a small boy answered the door. "Tell me, young man," said the politician. "Is your Mommy in the Republican Party or the Democratic Party?"

"Neither," said the child, "she's in the bathroom."

正值当地竞选时期，候选人到他的区域的千家万户登门拜访。

候选人来到了一家门口，一个小男孩开了门。“告诉我，年轻人，”候选人问道，“你母亲是在共和党还是在民主党?”

“都不是，”孩子答到，“她在浴室。”

英语幽默冷笑话：谁发现了澳大利亚?

Teacher: Find Australia on the map for me,Johnny.

老师: 约翰尼，在地图上给我找出澳大利亚在什么地方。

Johnny: It's there , sir.

约翰尼: 先生，在这儿。

Teacher: That's right. Now Sammy, who discovered Australia?

老师: 对了。萨默，你来回答是谁发现了澳大利亚?

Sammy: Johnny, sir.

萨默: 先生，是约翰尼。