下面是小编整理的英语幽默笑话，欢迎大家阅读!

英语幽默笑话：

George Ⅲ asked the once wellknown wit， Horne Tooke，whether he could play cards.

Your Majesty， replied Tooke， I am a mere childwhere cards are concerned. I cannot even tell a King from aKnave.

乔治三世问一度大名鼎鼎的才子霍恩·图克，会不会玩纸牌。

陛下，图克回答说：在玩纸牌方面，我只不过是幼儿园的水平。我甚至分不清国王和无赖。

英语幽默笑话：

When our daughter was born, we named her Myles, after my beloved late father, despite family warning that the name was too masculine.

Years later, when i felt she was old enough to understand, I explained to Myles, Your name is very special. I named you after my own father because I loved him very much. I know he would be proud of you.

Myles thought carefully about this and

then said, I know all that, Mom. But I don't understand why my grandfather had a girl's name

女儿出生时，我们给她取名叫迈尔斯，和我深爱的业已过世的父亲同一个名字，不顾家人提醒这个名字太男性化了。

几年以后，我觉得迈尔斯已经长大，能够懂事了。我对她解释说：你的名字很特别。我给你取了一个和我爸爸一样 的名字，因为我非常爱他。我相信他会为你而深感自豪的。

迈尔斯很仔细地想了一下，然后说道：这些我都懂，妈妈。可是我不知道外公为什么会有一个女孩子的名字。

英语幽默笑话：Excuse for Speeding

Harry and Lloyd were speeding down the road. A police car

pulled them over.

‘Why on earth were you driving so fast?’ the policeman

yelled.

’Our brakes are no good-so we wanted to get there before we

had an accident!’

超速的理由

哈里与劳埃德超速行驶，一辆警车拦住了他们。

你们为什么开那么快?警官喊道。

我们的刹车不好，因此我们想在发生事故前赶紧到达目的地。

英语幽默笑话：

The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives.He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely.

Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.

It's good to see，said the king，that we have one real man in the kingdom.Tell these chickenhearted dunces why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.

Your Majesty，came the reply in a squealing voice，it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.

古代有一个国王，他想证明他领土内的男人并非像人们传说的那样，受到老婆的管制。他把王国里所有的男人都召到跟前，警告说，哪个男人胆敢不说实话，就会受到严厉的惩罚。

然后，他叫所有听从妻子的命令和意见的男人都走向大厅的左侧。所有的男人都站到了左侧，只有一个小个子男人站到了右侧。

国王说：看到我们国家里还有一个真正的男子汉，真是令人高兴。告诉这些胆小的笨蛋，为什么在他们当中只有你一个人站在大厅的右侧。

陛下，那人尖声地回答：因为在我出门之前，我老婆告诉我不要扎堆。

英语幽默笑话：The boy and the snails 男孩和蜗牛

A farmer's boy went looking for snails, and, when he had picked up both his hands full, he set about making a fire at which to roast them; for he meant to eat them. When it got well alight and the snails began to feel the heat, they gradually withdrew more and more into their shells with the hissing noise they always make when they do so. When the boy heard it, he said, "You abandoned creatures, how can you find heart to whistle when your houses are burning?"

一个乡下少年到处寻找蜗牛，当他双手都塞满了蜗牛后，就准备点火烤着吃。火点着了，蜗牛也开始感觉到热了，他们纷纷退向坚壳的深处，同时还发出“咝咝”的噪音。男孩子听到了蜗牛发出的嘘声，便说：“你们这些连命都快没有的家伙，怎么还能有心情在窝里着火时吹口哨呢?”

英语幽默笑话：Don't Argue with Children 不要和小孩争论

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically1 impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that a whale swallowed Jonah.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated2 that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

一个小女孩和她的老师正在谈论有关鲸鱼的事情。

她的老师说：“一头鲸鱼从身体构造的角度看，是不可能吞掉一个人的。因为尽管鲸鱼是一种非常巨大的哺乳动物，可它的嗓子非常小。”

那个小女孩说约拿(一位西伯来先知)就是被鲸鱼吞掉的。

她的老师非常生气，她再次告诉小女孩说：“从身体构造角度来讲，鲸鱼是不可能吞掉一个人的。”

那个小女孩说：“那等我到了天堂，就去问问约拿。”

她的老师问：“那么，假如约拿下了地狱怎么办?”

那个小女孩回答：“如果是那样的话，你就去问他。”

英语幽默笑话：A Duel 决斗

Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody1 nose, black eye, and torn clothing.

It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. His father asked his son what happened. "Well, Dad," said Pete, "I challenged Larry to a duel2. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."

"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."

"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"

小彼得从操场回到家时，鼻子流血、黑眼圈及被撕破了衣服。

显然他刚与人恶斗了一番，而且打输了。父亲问儿子发生了什么事。“噢，爸爸，彼得说，我向拉里挑起决斗，而且我让他挑选武器。”

“嗯，”父亲说，“这看上去很公平!”

“我知道，但我没想到他选择了他姐姐!”