冷笑话是一种新兴的语言现象,伴随着网络的普及它已经渗透到了青年群体的日常生活,偶尔爆出的一两句冷笑话能使交流氛围变得轻松愉悦,也能展示交谈者的幽默和智慧。本文是关于简单的英语笑话带翻译，希望对大家有帮助!

关于简单的英语笑话带翻译：闲人遐思

He who sleeps catches no fish，—but he who keeps awake catches crabs every moment of his life.

All professions can yield a man enough to live on，—except professions of faith.

When attending the performance of some modern operas，it has struck me that the conductor was only beating time because he could not beat the composer.

If in the sight of the law all men are equal， Heaven save us from getting into its sight.

When you want to get rid of a dog， you take off his collar;—when the king wants to get rid of a minister， he give shim the collar—of the Order of the Annunziata.

The place where they ruin people's voices， and throw aside all the canons of art，is called the Conservatoire;and a hospital full of sick peopk is called a“house of health”(Casadi Salute).

Among the many motives which induce me to stay away from the theatre is the utter absence of all motive in modernoperas.

How many old phrases are required to make a new electoral programme!

All musical notes may express cheerful ideas; it is only thenotes of creditors which arouse none but melancholy reflections.

I entered the shop of a pork butcher at the moment when his son， aged eight， was returning from school. The poor boy was weeping bitterly.

“The old story!”exclaimed his parent ;“I suppose you did not learn your lessons， and the master called you an ass， as you deserved!”

“Yes!” replied the child， sobbing，“he did call me an ass，—and then—”

“Well，—and then —what else?”

“He said，‘well， after all， it is no wonder—like father，like son!’”

“Did he，indeed?the animal!”exclaimed the porkbutcher.“And to think that perhaps he has not yet eaten the whole of those two sausages I sent him at Christmas!”

闲人遐思

“眠者不得鱼”——但醒者一生时时刻刻捕到的却是螃蟹。

各种职业都可赖以为生——除了信仰的宣言。

观看某些现代歌剧演出时，我忽然悟到，指挥之所以仅仅只是打拍子，是因为他打不着作曲者。

上天保佑我们别进入法律的视界，即使在法律看来人人平等。

你不想要某条狗了，就取下它的领圈——当国王想摆脱某大臣，就给他戴上领饰——圣母玛丽亚荣誉骑士团的领饰①。

毁坏人们的噪音并抛弃一切艺术法规的地方叫作音乐学校(Conservatoire);住满病人的医院则被称为“健康之屋”(Casa di Salute)。

种种动机促使我躲开剧院，其中之一就是因为现代歌剧完全没有主题②。

得用多少老词儿，才能编一套新的选举纲领!

所有的音符都能表达欢乐的思想;唯独债权人的信函③唤起的全是忧愁的念头。

我走进杀猪屠夫的铺子，他八岁的儿子正好放学回家。

那可怜的孩子哭得好伤心。

“准又是老事重演!”他父亲吼道，“我想一定是你没记住功课，老师骂你是蠢驴来着，你也就配挨骂!”

“不错，”孩子回答，一边抽泣着，“他确实叫我蠢驴来着，—然后—”

“然后——还有什么?”

“他说，‘说来倒也不奇怪——有其父必有其子。’”

“他真这么说了?那个畜生!”杀猪的大喊，“而且想想看，我过圣诞送他的整整两大根肉肠只怕还并没吃完呢!”

关于简单的英语笑话带翻译：有益的教训

In England nobody under the age of eighteen is allowed to drink in a public bar.

Mr. Thompson used to go to a bar near his house quite often，but he never took his son，Tom，because he was too young. Then when Tom had his eighteenthbirthday， Mr.Thompson took him to his usual bar for the first time.They drank for half an hour， and then Mr.Thompson said to his son，“Now， Tom，I want to teach you auseful lesson.You must always be careful not to drink too much. And how do you know when you've had enough? Well， I'll tell you.Do you see those two lights at the end of the bar? When they seem to have become four，you've had enough and should go home.”

“But，Dad，” said Tom，“I can only see one light at the end of the bar.”

在英国，十八岁以下的人不准进酒吧喝酒。

汤普森先生以前常常去他家附近的一个酒吧喝酒，但他从来不带他的儿子汤姆去，因为他年纪太小。后来，当汤姆年满十八岁的时候，汤普森先生第一次带他去他常去的那家酒吧。他们喝了半个小时，而后，汤普森先生对他儿子说：“汤姆，现在我要告诉你一个有益的教训。你必须时时小心不要喝得太多。你怎么知道你喝够了呢?好，我来告诉你。你看见酒吧那头有两盏灯吗?当那两盏灯看起来变成四盏的时候，你就喝够了，应该回家了。

“可是，爸爸。”汤姆说：“在酒吧那头我只能看见一盏灯。”

关于简单的英语笑话带翻译：和母亲一样的女孩

No matter which girl he brought home， the young man found disapproval from his mother. A friend gave him advice.

“Find a girl just like your mother—then she's bound to like her.

So the young man searched and searched， and finally found the girl.He told his friendlyadviser：

“Just like you said， I found a girl who looked，talked，dressed， and even cooked like mother.And just as you said，mother liked her”

“So，”asked the friend，“what happened?”

“Nothing，”said the young man.“My father hates her!”

和母亲一样的女孩

无论带哪一个女孩回家，这位青年人总会遭到母亲的反对。一位朋友劝他说：

“找一个和你母亲一样的女孩——那她一定会喜欢她。”

于是这位青年人不停地找啊找，终于找到了这么个女孩。

正像你说的那样，我找到一个长相、谈吐、穿着打扮，甚至连烹饪都和我母亲一样的女孩。也正像你说的那样，我母亲喜欢她。”

“那后来呢?”朋友问。

“没什么，”青年人说。“我父亲讨厌她!”