笑话是一种经过艺术加工的语言形式,是艺术化的语言，笑话是一种艺术方法，用这种方法造成以笑为艺术手段的文学艺术作品。下面是小编整理的英语搞笑笑话，欢迎大家阅读!

英语搞笑笑话篇一：两颗番茄

he first tomato has no answer, the second tomato asked again. The tomato has no answer, so the second tomato asked again. The first tomato finally turned slowly, said: "we are not tomatoes? We can talk?"

两颗番茄去逛街，第一颗番茄突然走得很快，第二颗番茄就问：“我们要去哪里?” 第一颗番茄没有回答，第二颗番茄又问了一次。 第一颗番茄还没回答，所以第二颗番茄又问了一次。 第一颗番茄终于慢慢转头说：“我们不是番茄吗?我们会说话吗?”

英语搞笑笑话篇二：相同的职责

The Same DutiesA retired four-star general ran into his former orderly, also retired, in a Manhattan bar and spent the rest of the evening persuading him to come work for him as his valet. "Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in the army," the general said. "Nothing to it-you'll catch on again fast." Next morning promptly at eight o'clock, the ex-orderly entered the ex-general's bedroom, pulled open the drapes, gave the general a gentle shake, strode around the other side of the bed, spanked his employer's wife on her bottom and said, "OK, sweetheart, it's back to the village for you."

相同的职责一个退休的四星级将军在曼哈顿的一个酒吧偶然地遇到了他以前的勤务兵，勤务兵也退休在家。这位将军花了一整个晚上的时间来说服他回来做他的贴身随从。“你的职责与在军队时完全一样，”将军说，“这没什么，你很快就会再次理解它的。” 第二天早晨八点钟时，前勤务兵迅速地进到前将军的卧室，拉开窗帘，轻轻地摇了摇将军，然后大步走到床的另一侧，在他雇主的妻子屁股上拍了一下，说道：“好了，甜心，你该回到村庄去了。”

英语搞笑笑话篇三：你爷爷

A well dressed young man demanded as soon as he entered the restaurant:"Serve me, quick! Give me your best. I don't care the price."Not like the way he talked, the waiter said to him: "Hey Buddy, it doesn't matter you have a lot of money. You are still son of somebody, and grandson of somebody else."The young man raged: "Dare you! Tell me, who wants me to be his grandson?"The waiter replied with ease: "Nobody. Just your grandfather."

一位衣冠楚楚的年青人一进饭店就大声嚷嚷：“喂，有什么好菜尽管端上来，钱多少我不在乎。”服务员听了很不是滋味：“哥儿们，钱多顶个屁，你不照样得做别人的儿子，就是有人要你做孙子你也不敢不做!”年青人勃然大怒：“谁敢占老子的便宜?你说，是谁不要命了，胆敢要老子做他的孙子?”服务员慢条斯理地答道：“你爷爷!”

英语搞笑笑话篇四：孩子与母亲

A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”

一个孩子好奇的问妈妈：“妈咪，为什么你的头发有的变灰白了?”

The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”

妈妈想利用这个机会好好教育教育她的孩子：“因为你啊，宝贝。每次你不听话，我就会有一根头发变灰白的。”

The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”

孩子天真的回答：“现在我知道为什么外祖母头上只有灰白的头发了。”

英语搞笑笑话篇五：广告的效力

Some businessmen were talking about advertising on TV excitedly. As none of them had ever done it before, every one had his point of view.

一群商人正热烈地讨论在电视上做广告。他们中没有人做过，所以每个人都有自己的想法。

At this moment, Mr. Grey came by. Grey was a car dealer and he had once made an advertisement.

此时，格雷先生进来了。格雷是一个汽车经销商，他曾经做过一次广告。

"What are you talking about?" Mr. Grey asked.

“你们在讨论什么?”格雷先生问。

"Does advertisement work or not?" one of the businessmen asked.

“广告有用不?”其中一位商人问。

"Oh, yes, it works very fast," Mr. Grey said. " I once advertised for my watch-dog and offered a reward of $100."

“噢，有用，而且见效非常快。”格雷先生说，“我曾经发布了一条广告，要招聘一个值班员，报酬是100美金。”

"Did you get the dog back?"

“你招聘到人了吗?”

"No, but that very night three of my cars were stolen."

“没，但是那个晚上我的三辆车被偷走了。”

【注释】

笑话中出现了come by这个词组，我们来学习一下它的两种意思：

1. pay a visit 来访，拜访

例：I'll come by after work and see if you need any help. 我下班后会再来拜访，看看你有什么需要帮忙的地方。

2. acquire 获得，得到

例：A good assistant is hard to come by. 要得到一个好助手很困难。

Comment: 保安没招来，倒把贼招来了!所以说有钱这件事还是不要“广而告之”为好……

英语搞笑笑话篇六：我和老师的故事

Teacher: Where does God live?

老师：上帝住哪儿?

Student: I think he lives in our bathroom.

学生：我想他应该住我家浴室。

Teacher: Why do you say that?

老师：为什么这么说?

Student: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, "God, are you still in there?"

学生：因为每天早上我爸都猛敲浴室的大门喊：“上帝啊，你怎么还在里面?”

Teacher: How can you tell a hawk has good eyesight?

老师：为什么说鹰的视力很好?

Student: Because I have never seen a hawk wearing spectacles.

学生：因为我从没见过哪只鹰戴眼镜。

Teacher: Tom and John! Why are you late for school today?

老师：汤姆!约翰!你俩今天为什么迟到了!

Tom: Madam, I lost a one-dollar coin and was searching for it.

汤姆：老师，我一直在找我丢失的一美元硬币。

Teachear: John, what about you?

老师：那么你呢，约翰?

John: Madam, I was not able to move beacause I was hiding that coin under my feet.

约翰：老师，我不能动啊，我把他的硬币藏脚底下了。

Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework?

老师：你父亲有没有帮着你做作业?

Student: No, he did it all by himself.

学生：没有，他是独立完成的。

Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?

老师：西印度群岛有哪些产物?

Student: I don't know.

学生：我不晓得。

Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?

老师：怎么会不知道，你每天吃的糖哪儿来的?

Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.

学生：邻居家借的。