幽默寓于笑话之中，它是笑话的精料，智慧之所在。笑话是幽默的载体，一个成功的笑话能流传千古。下面是小编整理的英语搞笑笑话，欢迎大家阅读!

英语搞笑笑话一：How can I get into heaven 我怎么才能上天堂

"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the poor, would I get into heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday school class.

"No!" the children all answered.

"If I cleaned the church everyday, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"

Again, the answer was, "No!"

"Well, " I continued, "then how can I get into heaven?"

A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!"

“如果我把房子和车卖了，在车库举行义卖, 并把所有的钱给穷人，我能进天堂吗?”我问主日学校的孩子。

孩子们齐声回答：“不能!”

“那如果我每天都打扫教堂，给院子的草坪割草，并且把东西都收拾得干净整洁，我会上天堂吗?”

回答还是：“不能!”“好吧， ”我继续问, “那我要怎样才能升天堂呢?”

一个五岁的男孩儿叫道：“你得死了才行!”

英语搞笑笑话二：I Want Her to go Nuts

Mrs. Flinders decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant."

"But you're not wearing any of those things."

"I know," said Mrs. Flinders." It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he'd remarry right away, and I want her to go nuts looking for the jewelry."

福林德斯夫人决定让人给她画肖像。她告诉那位肖像画家说：“画我带着钻石耳环、钻石项链、祖母绿手镯，还有红宝石垂饰。”

“但你现在没带这其中的任何一样饰品。”

“我知道。”福林德斯夫人说，“万一我先我丈夫死去，我肯定他会立刻再婚。我要让那个女人为寻找这些珠宝而发疯。”

英语搞笑笑话三：是哪两个词?

What Are The Two Words?A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter.“My dear，” said the old lady，“I wish you would do something for me.I wish you would promise me never to use two words.One is‘lousy’and the other is‘swell’.Would you promise me that? “Why，sure，Granny，”said the girl.“What are the two words?”

一个非常高贵的老夫人有几句话要对她的孙女说。“我亲爱的，”老夫人说：“我希望你能帮我一个忙。我要你答应永远不要用两个词。一个是‘讨厌的’，另一个是‘极好的’。你能答应我吗?” “噢，当然，奶奶。”女孩说：“是哪两个词?”

英语搞笑笑话四：

1. Mother:"I sent my little boy for two pounds of plums and you gave him a pound and a half."

母亲：“我派自己的小孩买两磅李子，你却给了他一磅半。”

Shopkeeper:"My scales are all right, madam. Have you weighed your little boy?"

店主：“我的秤没问题，太太。你称过儿子了吗?”

2. "Mama, why does the puppy drink the water in the slot?"

“妈妈，小狗为什么要喝水沟里的水?”

"Because it's thirsty."

“因为它渴了。”

"Oh, I know that the puppy has no money to buy coke!"

“噢，我知道了，是小狗没有钱买可乐!”

3. Two little boys were looking at an abstract painting in an art shop.

两个小男孩正在一家美术店看一幅抽象画。

"Let's run," said one, "or they say we did it."

“咱们快跑吧，”其中一个男孩说道，“不然他们会说是我们干的。”

4. Little Mike was visiting on his grandparents' farm. Checking the chicken's tail, he came upon a peacock. He ranquickly to the house shouting, "Granny, come quick! Your chicken is in bloom!"

小迈克正在参观爷爷奶奶的农场。他在鸡群中看到一只孔雀。他马上跑向屋子，大声喊道：“奶奶，快来!你的一只鸡开花了!”

5. The neighbor often borrowed my inflator.

邻居经常借我家的打气筒。

One day, my four-year-old daughter suddenly told me:"Papa, what shall we do if the air of our inflator is used up?"

有一天，4岁的女儿突然告诉我说：“爸爸，我们的打气筒里面的气用完了怎么办?”

英语搞笑笑话五：Child asks Parents

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

I Know Your Secret

Two boys were talking and the one said to the other, "There is a easy way to get what you want."

The other boy said, "How?" the boy replied, "Tell people you know their secret."

The boy jumps up and runs to his dad, "I know your secret!" The dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres $10."

The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!" The mom said, "Please don't tell your dad here's $15."

The boy then decides to try it on the mail man, "I know your secret!" The mail man opened his arms and said, "Come, give your dad a hug!"

英语搞笑笑话六：Golfer 高尔夫球手

Once there was a golfer whose ball landed on an anthill(蚁冢).

Rather than move the ball, he decided1 to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty2 swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything moved but the golf ball. It sat on the same spot.

So he tried another shot3. Clouds of dirt and sand ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle.

Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other. "Whoa! What are we going to do?"

Said the other ant, "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball."

从前有个高尔夫球手，他把球打到了一座蚁丘上。

他没有移动球的位置，而是决定就地击球。于是他使劲一挥球杆，尘土和着蚂蚁，四处飞扬。所有的东西都动了，除了那只球，它呆在原地，一动没动。

于是，他准备再次出击。又是一阵尘土飞扬，蚂蚁们也再次跟着遭殃。而高尔夫球还是纹丝不动。

两只蚂蚁幸免于难，一只晕晕乎乎地对另一只说：“哇，我们怎么办啊?”

另一只蚂蚁说：“我不知道你怎么想，但是我准备爬到那只球上去。”