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如何摆脱无谓的烦恼

Many of our problems come from within our own minds. They aren't caused by events, bad luck, or other people. We cause them through our own poor mental habits. Here are 10 habits you should set aside right away to free yourself from the many problems each one will be causing you.

许多问题的造成其实并不是因为我们自己运气差或者别人有意为之。事实上，这些问题往往是由我们自己的坏习惯产生的。这里列出了十个习惯希望能够帮助你摆脱这些自己造成的麻烦又没必要的烦恼：

Stop jumping to conclusions. There are two common ways this habit increases people's difficulties. First, they assume that they know what is going to happen, so they stop paying attention and act on their assumption instead. Human beings are lousy fortune-tellers. Most of what they assume is wrong. That makes the action wrong too. The second aspect of this habit is playing the mind-reader and assuming you know why people do what they do or what they're thinking. Wrong again, big time. More relationships are destroyed by this particular kind of stupidity than by any other.

不要过早下结论。过早下结论会通过两条途径为你制造麻烦。第一是，你会认为自己已经了解所有的事情的发展，所以不再重视这件事情，而按照自己假设的发展方式操作事情。可惜人类并不是一种会算命的种类，所以大部分的假设都是错误的，这样也导致的事情常常失败;第二是，你会猜测别人的想法并且会做出假设，同样的，这些假设通常也是错误的。而且这些愚蠢的假设也导致了你与他人的关系被破坏。

Don't dramatize. Lots of people inflate small setbacks into life-threatening catastrophes and react accordingly. This habit makes mountains out of molehills and gives people anxieties that either don't exist or are so insignificant they aren't worth worrying about anyway. Why do they do it? Who knows? Maybe to make themselves feel and seem more important. Whatever the reason, it's silly as well as destructive.

不要小题大做。很多人因为一些小挫折的刺激而做出过激的反应。小题大做使人变得紧张兮兮，产生过多的忧虑。

Don't invent rules. A huge proportion of those “oughts” and “shoulds” that you carry around are most likely needless. All that they do for you is make you feel nervous or guilty. What's the point? When you use these imaginary rules on yourself, you clog your mind with petty restrictions and childish orders. And when you try to impose them on others, you make yourself into a bully, a boring nag, or a self-righteous bigot.

不要发明规则。过分的使用“应该”和“应当”是没必要的。这些词除了让你感到紧张外，不会有任何用处。为什么?因为当你使用这些发明的规则时，你会变得受约束和有孩子气的命令口气。而当你试图将这些规则强加于他人时，只会让别人对你产生厌恶的情绪(霸权，自以为是的)

Avoid stereotyping or labeling people or situations. The words you use can trip you up. Negative and critical language produces the same flavor of thinking. Forcing things into pre-set categories hides their real meaning and limits your thinking to no purpose. See what's there. Don't label. You'll be surprised at what you find.

避免给他人扣帽子。对别人否定的评价也会限制你对他的看法和想法。所以，避免预先给别人扣帽子，说不定你就可以发现别人其他不同一般的地方。

Quit being a perfectionist. Life isn't all or nothing, black or white. Many times, good enough means exactly what it says. Search for the perfect job and you'll likely never find it. Meanwhile, all the others will look worse than they are. Try for the perfect relationship and you'll probably spend your life alone. Perfectionism is a mental sickness that will destroy all your pleasure and send you in search of what can never be attained.

别做完美主义者。生活并非十全十美的。若寻找一个完美的工作职位，却永远找不到它，而一些看起来好的也并非那么好。追求完美主义是一种精神基本，它会摧毁你的一切快乐并且建立一堆你不可能实现的目标。

Don't over-generalize. One or two setbacks are not a sign of permanent failure. The odd triumph doesn't turn you into a genius. A single event-good or bad-or even two or three don't always point to a lasting trend. Usually things are just what they are, nothing more.

不要过分概括。一两次的挫折并不意味着永远失败，几次成功也不能说明你是一个天才。一件事--好或坏--或者二或三件事并不代表永久的趋势。一件事的成败就是它的成败，不要过分夸大其失败的教训和成功的经验。

Don't take things so personally. Most people, even your friends and colleagues, aren't talking about you, thinking about you, or concerned with you at all for 99% of the time. The majority of folk in your organization or neighborhood have probably never heard of you and don't especially want to. The ups and downs of life, the warmth and coldness of others, aren't personal at all. Pretending that they are will only make you more miserable than is needed.

不要怀疑别人在讨论自己。大部分的人，包括你的朋友和同事，在99%的时间内并没有讨论你或者考虑你。很多职位的同事和邻居甚至都不会认识你。别人对你的态度冷热大部分都非私人的想法。不断地怀疑别人在讨论自己只会让你多疑和痛苦。

Don't assume your emotions are trustworthy. How you feel isn't always a good indicator of how things are. Just because you feel it, that doesn't make it true. Sometimes that emotion comes from nothing more profound than being tired, hungry, annoyed, or about to get a head-cold. The future won't change because you feel bad-nor because you feel great. Feelings may be true, but they aren't the truth.

不要总凭直觉判断。你的直觉并不是总是一个正确的指示器，因为你只觉得会这样，但“觉得”并不说明这就就会是正确的。未来并不会因为你的直觉感觉会这样而改变。感觉可能是真的，但不一定是对的。

Don't let life get you down. Keep practicing being optimistic. If you expect bad things in your life and work, you'll always find them. A negative mind-set is like looking at the world through distorting, grimy lenses. You spot every blemish and overlook or discount everything else. It's amazing what isn't there until you start to look for it. Of course, if you decide to look for signs of positive things, you'll find those too.

不要让生活拖垮你，学着乐观一些。如果你期盼有坏事发生，想必常常都真的发生了。一个消极的人对于事物的看法都是扭曲的，他会发现世界是灰暗的，到处都是污点。换个方向想，如果你尝试去寻找一些积极的事情，你也一定会发现它们的。

Don't hang on to the past. This is my most important suggestion of all: let go and move on. Most of the anger, frustration, misery, and despair in this world come from people clinging to past hurts and problems. The more you turn them over in your mind, the worse you'll feel and the bigger they'll look. Don't try to fight misery. Let go and move on. Do that and you've removed just about all its power to hurt you.

不要沉迷于过去不可自拔。这是我认为这是最重要的一点：放开那些已经过去的事情，继续你的生活。很多的愤怒、沮丧、痛苦和绝望都是因为沉迷于过去的伤害和问题而造成的。你把这些已经过去的事情看得越重要，你的生活也就越沉重，你也更难从伤害中摆脱。不要尝试与这些过去的事件争斗，因为它们已经过去了，所以放开手，往前走。

Is Overwhelming Shyness Holding You Back?

Were you one of those shy kids clinging to your mom's leg? Did you dodge attention, feel inferior and avoid being called out? Still doing that as an adult?

童年时你是否喜欢躲在妈妈身后?那时你是否害怕引人注意，被人一喊名字你就战战兢兢?成后年你还是那样吗?

Shyness and overwhelming self-doubt are more common than you think, and they're holding back millions of people just like you from living more exciting and fulfilling lives. But it doesn't mean that you can't destroy that terrifying fear that has been holding you back. You aren't meant to be shy. And there is no reason you can't shine in your own way.

其实害羞和极度自我怀疑比你想象的要常见，它们拖住了成千上万个像你一样的人的步伐，阻碍他们享受生活的刺激，干扰他们充实生活。但这并不意味你对其束手无策。胆怯也并非注定。世间没有任何力量能够阻止你发出耀眼的光芒。

From social gatherings, to business meetings, to your one-on-one relationships, if you want to break free from shyness, create better relationships and be more comfortable in your skin when you are around people then read on. There are time-tested techniques that have served me well in my personal life, as well as helping my clients. In a world where relationships are everything, you must set yourself apart and still stay true to who you are. Here is how to break free from shyness:

从社交聚会，到商务会议，再到二人关系，如果你想挣脱胆怯的绳索，打造更好的人际关系，或者想在人多的场合中感到舒适自在，那就继续往下读。我个人就有一些历经时间筛选的方式，它们适用于我，同时也帮助了我的客户。在这个关系说了算的时代，你必须在面面俱到的同时又不忘自我。以下就是克服羞怯的方式：

It's more of a mindset than what you do.

胆怯只是心态问题

From someone who has overcome overwhelming shyness and helps people gain more self-confidence to create more connection with other people, I'm about to break it down for you. What you are about to learn is the mindset of people who stand out, go after what they want and have great relationships.

作为一个克服了自我胆怯并且成功帮助他人获得社交自信的过来人，我也将助你攻克难关。你需要学习那些出众的人的心态，看他们有哪些需求，又是怎样建立了广泛的人脉资源。

This is a state of mind that if adapted will help you in your love life, your career, your health and your spiritual life.

如果你掌握了这种心态，那你的爱情、事业、健康和精神世界都将得到帮助。

What are some limiting beliefs about yourself that you currently hold that need to be changed?

至今你有哪些局限的思维需要改变?

Set realistic expectations.

树立实际期望

Everyone wants something different. One person may want to be on stage, whereas someone else may just want to be comfortable on a date or in a business meeting.

每个人都想有所作为。有人渴望万众瞩目，也有人期待一场快乐的约会或者会议。

As you learn these techniques and insights, it is important to be very clear about what you want and what it looks like. The goal here is to get you to feel good about being who you are and connecting with people.

你要掌握这些技巧和洞察力，因为你得清楚自己想要什么，清楚那些渴望是怎样的情形。这个目的在于让你自信地做自己也能自信地与人交往。

Everyone has a different expectation when it comes to what they want and how they want to feel when they connect to people.

说到与人打交道和其目的时，每个人都有不同的期许。

What do you want? How do you want to feel when you are around people? What does that look like for you?

你的目的是什么?当你与别人在一起时你是作何感受?而你又是怎样的状态?

Focus on sharing.

注意分享

By far, the most effective technique in overcoming shyness is to switch your consciousness from you to them.

目前为止，克服胆怯最为有效的方式就是将自我意识转移到他人身上。

Remember the last time you were in a situation and you were nervous or shy? I'd be willing to bet you were focusing on yourself: how you looked, what you were going to say, or how different you were from everyone else.

还记得最近那个使你紧张或羞怯的场景吗?我敢打赌你肯定是将注意力集中到自己身上了：你在乎自己的外表，关心要说什么话或者如何做到与众不同。

People that shine are focusing on delivering, serving and benefiting others in some way. They focus outward, not inward. Sure, it's important to be aware of how you are being perceived, but people always remember how you make them feel. In order to make them feel good you must focus on sharing with them.

出众的人都只注意与别人交流，为他人服务或帮助他人。他们看见的是外在事物而非自我感受。当然，偶尔注意下别人对自己的看法也是有必要的，但人们往往只会记得你给他们的印象。所以为了让对方有个好印象，你必须专注于分享。

Next time you are in an uncomfortable situation, shift your focus to someone else and ask yourself how you can help them or add value to their lives.

下次如果你处于别扭的情形中，就把自我身上的注意力转到别人身上吧，并且问问自己怎样才能帮助他们或者给他们的人生增添价值。

Be interested instead of trying to be interesting.

对周围感兴趣，而非让周围对你感兴趣

Make the focus of every conversation about someone else at first. This will take the pressure off of you and make them feel significant. Asking questions and genuinely caring about what the person says immediately gets you out of your own head and makes the person feel special.

开始要将注意力集中在和别人的每场对话中。这能减少压力并且别人也能找到存在感。无论对方在谈论何事，你都要及时提点问题并且由衷地关心，这样才能避免你沉浸在自我的世界中，同时说话的人也会感到有意义。

Be mindful not to interrogate, but simply show a curiosity about their world. Actually listen to their voice and less to that voice of doubt in your head.

注意不要去打断别人，可以时不时地表现出你的好奇。要真正地听取对方的话，而不要在脑袋中质疑内容的正确与否。

Your outcome is to have the confidence to create more authentic relationships with people. In order to do that you must build a comfortable bond with them. When you discover more about someone, connect your similar interests to create that bond.

你的目的是有信心去建立更加牢靠的关系。为了做到这一点你必须在彼此间找到对味的话题。当你更加了解一个人之后，你仍要兴趣不减地继续创造那种话题。

How will you start to be more interested in people? Will you ask them about their job, their taste in music, or an experience they had? Next time you do, seek for common interests to build a bond.

那你要怎样才能做到对一个人更加感兴趣呢?你会问及他们的工作，音乐的品味或者曾有过的经历吗?下次问别人的时候，找一个共同感兴趣的话题。

Embrace vulnerability.

拥抱脆弱

Trying to pretend that you are not nervous makes people nervous.

故作镇定只会让别人不淡定。

I was in a small workshop one time, shaking in my shoes. I just came right out and said, “You know what, you guys? This is my first time speaking in front of you and I'm terrified! Yikes!” Everyone opened up and started joking around. It broke the ice. I immediately felt more comfortable because I felt a part of them.

有一次在一个小车间里，我紧张得双脚哆嗦。于是我就站了起来然后说道，“伙计们，你们知道吗?这是我第一次在大家面前发言，紧张死了!哎呀!”众人听了都放开了，接着开始说笑。尴尬的局面就这样被打破。我瞬间觉得不忐忑了，因为找到了归属感。

Brené Brown, an expert in vulnerability (yes, there is actually an expert in vulnerability)， says that courage actually comes from vulnerability. Ironically, people actually find vulnerability endearing. It makes them want to protect you, it makes you human, and it makes you relatable.

布勒。布朗是脆弱专家(确实，真的有这种专家)，他说勇气实则源自脆弱。滑稽的是，人们事实上觉得脆弱是讨喜的事。因为那能让别人对你产生保护欲，而你也因此才具人性，这是能产生共鸣的特点。

Trust me, I hung out with the cool kids and the oddballs, too. They are all the same. Everyone freaks out at some time or another. Be vulnerable. It's OK!

相信我，潮人和异类我都接触过。二者都一样。但人们有时就是排斥其中之一。所以，脆弱没什么大不了!