笑话是日常生活中常见的一种幽默。与一般日常会话不同,笑话刻意违反合作原则,由此衍生出会话含意,并利用会话含意之间的冲突实现其预定功能。小编精心收集了初中2分钟英语笑话，供大家欣赏学习!

初中2分钟英语笑话篇1

Be Careful What You Wish For

A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.

During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.

The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."

The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.

慎重许愿

一对结婚25周年的夫妻在庆祝他们六十岁的生日。他们恰好在同一天出生。

庆祝活动中，一位仙女出现了。她说，由于他们是已经结婚25年的恩爱夫妻，因此她给许给这对夫妻每个人一个愿望。

妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“呯!”的一声，她的手中出现了一张票。

接下来该丈夫许愿了。他犹豫片刻，害羞地说，“那我想要一位比我年轻30岁的女人。”

仙女拾起了魔术棒。“呯!”，他变成了90岁。

初中2分钟英语笑话篇2

My Husband Will Be Home Soon

A married man was visiting his "girlfriend" when she requested that he shave his beard.

"Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."

James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!!"

"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a *y little voice...

"Oh really, I can't," he replies..."My wife loves this beard!!"

The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.

The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies "Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!"

我丈夫马上就要回来了

一个已婚男人去拜访他的“女朋友”时，女朋友要求他剃去胡须。

“噢，詹姆斯，我喜欢你的胡子，但我更喜欢看到你英俊的面孔。”

詹姆斯回答说，“我的妻子喜欢我的胡子，所以我不可能剃掉它，否则她会杀了我的。”

“噢，我求你了，”女朋友用一种低沉的、性感的声音又一次说道。

“可是，我不能，”他回答道，“我的妻子喜欢这胡子。”

在女朋友再三请求下，他终于屈服同意了。夜里，在妻子熟睡时，詹姆斯爬上了床。

妻子朦朦胧胧地摸了摸他的脸说道，“噢，迈克尔，你不应该在这里，我的丈夫很快就要回来了。”

初中2分钟英语笑话篇3

This just in : NEW VIRUS WARNING

If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes," delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous Email virus yet.

It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles . It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.

It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over.

It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic.

Badtimes will make you fall in love with a hardened pedophile. It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.

It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of Badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.

Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will wantonly remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, and refill your skim milk with whole. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

这是一个：电脑新病毒的警告

如果你收到一封主题是“ 倒霉透了”的邮件时，立即删除千万不要阅读。这是迄今最为危险的邮件病毒。

它会重写你的硬盘，不止这些，还会损坏任何离你电脑很近的磁碟。重置你冰箱的制冷度数让好吃的冰淇淋全部化掉，牛奶也馊掉。它还会让你的所有信用卡磁条失效，更改你在自动提款机上取钱的密码，你录像机上的影像资料也会变得乱七八糟，它还利用子空间场谐波刮坏任何你想听的CD。

它还会把你的新电话号码告诉你的旧情人，把防冻剂注入到你的鱼缸里，它将喝光你所有的啤酒，然后，当有人上门的时候，将它的臭袜子留在茶几上。

当你迟到的时候它会藏起你的车钥匙，还会干扰你车内的音响系统，好让你在塞车的时候欣赏沙沙的静电声。

“倒霉透了”还会把你的洗发水换成脱毛膏，然后把你的脱毛膏换成生发液.还始终在你背后与你的现任情人幽会，用你的维萨信用卡支付他们的酒店浪漫费用。

它会色诱你的祖母，不管她在不在人世。这些都显示了此邮件的影响力，它就是这样毁掉了坟墓内外所有美好的事。

这个邮件会使你患上荷兰榆树病，它会让你的屁股永远放不到马桶座垫上，还会把电吹风插在放满水的浴缸旁边的插座上，它会肆意篡改枕头和床垫的禁止事项，把脱脂牛奶换成全脂牛奶。它躲在暗处，到处写满了它的危险和可怕，不过，它呈现的淡紫色到是相当有趣的。