做事情要灵活,不能死搬教条,不然就会闹出“郑人买履”那样的笑话。本文是爆笑的英语笑话小故事，希望对大家有帮助!

爆笑的英语笑话小故事：Hello Mother, Hello Father

A child custody case was held in court. The judge felt that the mother and father were both fit to be parents and therefore couldn't decide who he should grant full custody to.

So he asks the little boy, "Would you like to live with your mother?"

"No." said the boy.

"Why not?" said the judge.

"Because she beats me."

The judge says "Okay, then you'll go live with your father."

"Oh no," cried the boy, "he beats me too."

Dumbfounded, the judge asks "Okay who do you want to live with?"

"I want to live with the New York Knicks!"

"Why?" asks the judge.

"They never beat anybody."

爆笑的英语笑话小故事：The boy and the snails

男孩和蜗牛

A farmer's boy went looking for snails, and, when he had picked up both his hands full, he set about making a fire at which to roast them; for he meant to eat them. When it got well alight and the snails began to feel the heat, they gradually withdrew more and more into their shells with the hissing noise they always make when they do so. When the boy heard it, he said, "You abandoned creatures, how can you find heart to whistle when your houses are burning?"

一个乡下少年到处寻找蜗牛，当他双手都塞满了蜗牛后，就准备点火烤着吃。火点着了，蜗牛也开始感觉到热了，他们纷纷退向坚壳的深处，同时还发出“咝咝”的噪音。男孩子听到了蜗牛发出的嘘声，便说：“你们这些连命都快没有的家伙，怎么还能有心情在窝里着火时吹口哨呢?”

爆笑的英语笑话小故事：Cat jokes

Q: What looks like half a cat?

A: The other half!

Q: What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater?

A: 'Claws.'

Q: If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, What's a tiger?

A: A stri-ped!

Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?

A: A stripey sweater!

Q: How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?

A: 'Pleased to eat you.'!

Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?

A: Frostbite!

Q: What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt?

A: 'Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.'

Q: What is lion's favorite food?

A: Baked beings!

爆笑的英语笑话小故事：Mouse jokes

How do you save a drowning mouse?

Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!

Where do hamsters come from?

Hamsterdam!

What's a mouse's least favorite record?

What's up Pussycat!

Why do mice need oiling?

Because they squeak!

What do rodents say when they play bingo?

'Eyes down for a full mouse'!

What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?

'Here Kitty, kitty, kitty'!

What kind of musical instrument do mice play?

A mouse organ!

Why do mice have long tails?

Well, they'd look silly with long hair!

What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?

Hard cheese!

What is a mouse's favorite game?

Hide and squeak!

爆笑的英语笑话小故事：Potty training

A young couple was expecting a visit from the pastor of their church.

They wanted everything to go smoothly, but their two year old son was just getting the hang of potty training.

He was at the stage where he would announce at the top of his voice, "I gotta pee," when he had to go to the bathroom.

His father, worried that this might be embarrassing when the minister came to call, instructed the child, "Don't shout that you've got to pee. Whisper!"

That evening the pastor makes his visit. He's there a very long time while the parents are in the kitchen preparing the meal. The two year old is leaning on one foot and the other.

Finally, the minister asks him, "What's the matter, son?"

The child looks at him and says, "I've gotta whisper!"

The pastor says, "It's all right, child. Whisper in my ear."