下面是小编整理的英文爆笑笑话， 希望大家喜欢。

英文爆笑笑话一：A Man Who Said No 说不的男子

A friend of mine noticed a man staggering about in the Times Square subway station. A well-dressed Wall Street type, his coat was unbuttoned, a briefcase dangled from his hand and he'd obviously had one too many.

Asked if he was all right, the man gave a slurred but affirmative response. However, my friend simply could not see someone brave the rough maw of a New York subway without trying to help. He followed the chap, and again asked, "Are you sure you're all right? What subway are you looking for? Do you need help getting home?"

At last, the object of his attentions snarled, in a low voice, "Leave me alone! I'm an undercover cop!"

我的一位朋友看到一个男子在时代广场的地铁车站摇摇晃晃地走。那个人穿着时髦，敞着怀，一个手提箱在他的手里悬吊着，很明显他是多喝了一杯。

我朋友问他怎么样，那男子含糊而肯定地回答说没问题。然而我朋友就是不能眼看着有人在纽约地铁独入是非之地而置之不顾。他跟在那家伙的后面，又一次问道：“你肯定你没事?你在找哪个地铁站?你需要帮忙回家吗?”

他所注意的对象终于忍耐不住了，对他低声咆哮道：“你给我走开!我是便衣警察!”

英文爆笑笑话二：博士与小厮

A wealthy old lady who lived near Dr.Swift used to send him presents occasionally by her servant.Dr.Swift took her presents but never gave the boy anything for his trouble.One day as Swift was busy with his writing， the boy rushed into his room， knocked some books out of their place， threw his parcelon the desk and said，“ my mistress has sent you two of herrab bits.” Swift turned round and said，“My boy， that is not the way to deliver your parcel.Now， you sit in my chair，watch my way of doing it and learn your lesson.” The boy sat down. Swift went out， knocked on his door and waited. The boy said“Come in.” The doctor entered，walked to his desk and said，“If you please sir， my mistress sends her kind regards and hopes you will accept these rabbits which her son shot this morning in her fields.” The boy answered，“Thank you， my boy， Give your mistress and her son my thanks for their kindness and here is two shillings for yourself.” The Doctor laughed， and after that， Swift never forgot to give the boy his tip.

在斯威夫特博士家附近，有一位富有的老妇人，她时常打发仆人给他送礼物。斯威夫特博士接受她的礼物，但从不给小厮任何酬谢。一天，斯威夫特博士正忙着写东西，小厮冲进了他的房间，把书一扒拉，将一个包裹扔在书桌上，说道：“我的女主人送给你两只兔子。” 斯威夫特转过身来说：“孩子，包裹可不是这样送法呀。现在，你坐在我的椅子上，看看我是怎么送的，并要记取这个教训。” 小厮坐了下来，斯威夫特走出去，敲了敲门，等待回音。小厮说“进来”。博士进了门，走到桌旁说道：“先生，我的女主人向您致以亲切的问候，并希望您收下这些兔子，这是她儿子今天早晨在地里打的。” 小厮回答说：“谢谢你，我的孩子。向你的女主人和她的儿子致谢，谢谢他们的关心。这两个先令是送给你本人的。” 博士笑了，打那以后，斯威夫特从没忘记送小费给小厮。

英文爆笑笑话三：医生住在楼下

"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."

He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”

他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅;第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”

英文爆笑笑话四：Not so fast 别那么急嘛

A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala(欢庆的) charity event was taking place.

Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution.

"Great idea!" the chicken cried."Let's offer hem1 ham and eggs?"

"Not so fast," said the pig testily2. "For you, that's a contribution. For me, it's a total commitment."

一只猪和一只鸡路过一所教堂，那里有一场盛大慈善活动正在进行着。

在精神上收到触动的猪向小鸡提出建议：他们每个人作出点自己的贡献。

“好主意!”鸡尖叫道，“让我们给腿和鸡蛋吧?”

“着什么急”猪不耐烦地说，“对你来说，是一个贡献，对我来说，这是一个完全的献身。”

英文爆笑笑话五：The boy and the snails 男孩和蜗牛

A farmer's boy went looking for snails, and, when he had picked up both his hands full, he set about making a fire at which to roast them; for he meant to eat them. When it got well alight and the snails began to feel the heat, they gradually withdrew more and more into their shells with the hissing noise they always make when they do so. When the boy heard it, he said, "You abandoned creatures, how can you find heart to whistle when your houses are burning?"

一个乡下少年到处寻找蜗牛，当他双手都塞满了蜗牛后，就准备点火烤着吃。火点着了，蜗牛也开始感觉到热了，他们纷纷退向坚壳的深处，同时还发出“咝咝”的噪音。男孩子听到了蜗牛发出的嘘声，便说：“你们这些连命都快没有的家伙，怎么还能有心情在窝里着火时吹口哨呢?”