Love means that I know the person I love. I’m aware of the many sides of the other person----not just the beautiful side but also the limitations, inconsistencies and flaws. I have an awareness of the other’s feelings and thoughts, and I experience something of the core of that person. I can penetrate social masks and roles and see the other person on a deeper level.

Love means that I care about the welfare of the person I love. To the extent that it is genuine, my caring is not a smothering of the person or a possessive clinging. On the contrary, my caring liberates both of us. If I care about you, I’m concerned about your growth, and I hope you will become all that you can become. Consequently, I don’t put up roadblocks to what you do that enhances you as a person, even though it may result in my discomfort at times.

Love means having respect for the dignity of the person I love. If I love you, I can see you as a separate person, with your own values and thoughts and feelings, and I do not insist that you surrender you identity and conform to an image of what I expect you to be for me. I can allow and encourage you to stand alone and to be who you are, and I avoid treating you as an object or using you primarily to gratify my own needs.

Love means having a responsibility toward the person I love. If I love you, I’m responsive to most of your major needs as a person. This responsibility does not entail my doing for you what you are capable of doing for yourself; nor does it mean that I run your life for you. It does imply acknowledging that what I am and what I do affects you, so that I am directly involved in your happiness and your misery. A lover does have the capacity to hurt or neglect the loved one, and in this sense I see that love entails and acceptance of some responsibility for the impact my way of being has on you.

爱意味着我了解我所爱的人。我认识到对方的许多方面，不仅是美丽闪光的一面，还有能力上的不足、反复无常和性格上的缺陷。我了解对方的感情和想法，我能体验到那个人身上的某种本质的东西。我能透过对方社交场合的表现和在社会的角色，看到他更深层次的品质。

爱意味着我关心我所爱的人的幸福。只要这种关心是真诚的，那么它就不会是某种压抑或占有性的依附。与此相反，我的关心会使我们两个都不受到束缚。如果我在乎你，我就会关注你的成长，我希望你将来成为一个有所作为的人。因此，对你为完善自己所做的一切，我决不设置障碍，即使你做的事情有时会使我不快。

爱意味着尊重我所爱的人的尊严。如果我爱你，我会把你看成是独立的个体，有自己的价值观、思想和感情，我不会坚持让你放弃自己的特性，使你变成一个我期望你成为的那种人。我会允许并鼓励你保持独立，坚持自己的特色，我会避免把你当作一件东西对待或用你来主要满足我自身的需要。

爱意味着对我所爱的人付责任。如果我爱你，我就会积极对待你的需要。这种责任并不等于我要为你做你自己能够做到的事情，也不是说我为你管理你的生活。它应该是承认我和我所做的事会对你产生影响，因此我直接与你的幸福和痛苦联系在一起。一个人的确可能会伤害或忽视他所爱的人。从这个意义上说，爱包含着我要为我(的生活方式)对你的影响承担一定的责任。