幽默故事，能让你在信手翻启间开怀一笑，得到身心的彻底放松、心绪的怦然萌动、情感的欣然释放。下面小编为大家带来妙趣幽默的英语故事三则，欢迎大家阅读!

妙趣幽默英语故事：再活40年

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

一名中年妇女心脏病突发被送到了医院， 在手术台上，濒临死亡之际，

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

她看到了上帝， 于是，她问上帝是不是她的日子到头了。

Seeing God, she asked if this was it.

上帝回答说，“还没有，你还能活43年，2个月零8天。”

God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live."

身体快要康复的时候，这名女士想到自己还要活那么多年，得好好对待自己，于是决定先不出院，而是去给自己整整容，吸吸脂，隆隆胸，然后还做了一个腹部拉皮和其它一些美容美体手术。

Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc.

她甚至还请人到医院里面帮她头发给染了。

She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it.

做完最后一个手术，这位女士出院了， 但就在过马路的时候，她被一辆风驰电挚赶回医院的救护车给撞死了。

She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital.

再一次，她又站到了上帝的面前，她大惑不解地问上帝，“我记得你说我还能再活40年?”

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years?

上帝回答，“那个时候我没认出你来”。

"God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

妙趣幽默英语故事：好消息和坏消息

An artist asked the gallery ownerif there had been any interestin his paintings currently on display.

一名艺术家问画廊老板，最近有没有人对他展出的画感兴趣。

"I've got good news and bad news,"owner replied.

“这有好消息和坏消息，”老板回答。

"The good news is thata gentleman inquired about your workand wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.

“好消息是有一位先生咨询你的作品，他想知道在你死后你的画会不会升值。

When I told him it would,he bought all fifteen of your paintings.

我告诉他你的画会升值，他就把你的15幅画全都买走了。”

"That's wonderful!"the artist exclaimed,"What's the bad news?"

“真是太好了”，艺术家是喜形于色，“那坏消息是什么?”

With concern, the gallery owner replied,"The guy was your doctor."

带着关心的口吻，画廊老板回答，“买画的人是你的医生”。

妙趣幽默英语故事：啤酒是洗头用的

Two nuns were shopping and happened to be passing the beer store.

两个修女外出购物，路过一家啤酒店。

One asks the other if she would like a beer.

其中一个修女问另外一个要不要买点啤酒喝。

The other nun answered that would be good, but that she would be queasy about purchasing it.

那个修女回答说她是想喝，但不太敢去买。

The first nun said that she would handle it and picked up a six pack and took it to the cashier.

第一个修女说她会搞定，说罢拿起一提六瓶装的啤酒，来到收银台。

The cashier had a surprised look and the first nun said, "The beer is used for washing our hair."

看到收银员的表情有点怪，第一个修女说，“我们买啤酒是用来洗头的。”

The cashier, without blinking an eye, reached under the counter and put a package of pretzels in the bag with the beer, saying. . .

收银员，眼皮都没有眨一下，把手伸进柜台下面，拿出一包椒盐饼干放到装啤酒的袋子里面，

"Here, don't forget the curlers."

说“嘿，卷发器可不能少!”