"It is unfair to him" was the last word I heard she had said until I bumped into her in the street the other day. And deep into the night I've stayed before computer, writing up this diary, in memory of my true love story two years ago.

2003年夏天我爱上了一位美丽的姑娘，她早在4年前就有了男朋友。 我伤心欲绝。

我固执地象高中生一样向她倾泻满腔热情，无怨无悔!爱情终究没有眷顾我。

那年我29岁。 今年我31岁。我的爱再也不会无怨无悔，再也不会义无反顾，再也 不会浪漫纯真……我开始领略岁月的苍桑，爱情的无奈。我……不再多情。

Chance Encounter

Is there really God arranging everybody's life? Is it true that something is doomed to happen at some certain occasion? Do all of us have to live providentially? Given our education about science and evolution, this sounds like quite absurd. But miracles happen every day on this planet, around you and me.

Whenever you are in a haste, unexpected emergencies all happen together, driving you nuts. Toward four O'clock, I got nervous at office. My appointment with the doctor is at four, but there were documents to print, telephone calls to take, and one of my colleagues, who had not bothered me earlier, burst out a SOS call to rescue her computer that was freezing. By the time I had attended to every request, it was well over 4:30 pm. I grabbed my bag, kicked open the door, slummed it behind me, and darted downstairs.

I don't know why I was still conscious of things around me being in such a big hassle. Or perhaps by a mysterious inspiration I remained sensitive. Just when I was about todash through the main gate of the office block, Daisy abruptly appeared before my eyes. I could not believe it, but she was alive smiling in front of me, black blouse, long hair, slender and well-shaped. Underneath the same surprise she was bearing a sweet smile, eyes twinkling, face blooming. Her lips moved a bit, trying to utter a greeting first, but I was quicker.

"My good heavens! Fancy seeing you here. where on earth have you been these years? Hasn't it been two years? You did not change much."

"Yeah, that's such a coincidence. Well, I have always been in Chengdu, working for my master's degree." Her voice remained nice and tender. She had had a female friend walking together, and now standing by to offer us a private talk.

"That's fab. Do you wanna stay in Chengdu after graduation?"

"Yes, I love this city. And I will graduate next year. I will secure a job right here."

She looked at me for a moment, but soon intentionally avoided eye contact with me. There remained the same shyness on her face, just as yesterday.

Alas, it was fresh and lovely just like yesterday.

Two years! It has been two years since I last saw her.

Time flies. We changed. Memories, happy or sad, remained ironed in my mind, years to come!

From Ecstasy to Grief

Summer 2003, a beautiful season with stories. I was enchanted and soon saddened. I was first like on top of the world, screaming "God, I am the happiest guy", but soon, on a dark night, after 10:30 pm, staggered out of home into the lonely street, looking for cigarette. I hid myself at a corner of the street where nobody could see me, tears flooding out, and I could hear myself weeping. I tried hard to remind myself that I am a man, that I should stand up and walk home holding my head high. My head grew heavy, however, drooping deep down. I was crying like a coward.

I lost love, and it was a heavy strike on my then naive heart. Truly I was feeling sad deep inside; truly I was crying my heart out; truly I was like a desperate man.

I did not buy alcohol but finished one whole pack of Zhong Hua cigarette. I usually smoked five-yuan cheap buy, but that night I dragged myself to a grocery store, asking for the most expensive pack. I did not care. What was money good for when you believe it was the end of the World? It could not buy me love. If I had had 1,000 yuan cash in my wallet, I would have spent it all.

I could not complain. I just met a good girl at the wrong time. She had been hanging with her classmate almost four years before meeting me. She said "no" with determination when I clearly proposed to her. And that response took my heart away, putting me to deep grief.

It was real just like yesterday.

Indulgence to her

Before I was bold enough to propose, I had a happy relationship with her for roughly 30 days. Those days was my paradise. Just seeing her around was my best ecstasy. The world was nice; the people everywhere were friendly; all my colleagues had never been so lovely. I was behaving the most nicely in my life.

Immediately I quitted smoking, sleeping late or lingering in bed in the morning. There had been no response from her, or precisely, she had never been aware of my hot affection. But I was happily intoxicated in the love delusion I had created myself.