英语笑话,是供人们消遣或交际的一种创造性的语言形式,其主要功能是调侃、娱乐或讽刺。小编分享爆笑死人的英语笑话，希望可以帮助大家!

爆笑死人的英语笑话：Gobble, Gobble, Gobble

A game warden1 was driving down the road when he came upon2 a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm. He stopped and asked the boy,

"Where did you get that turkey?"

The boy replied, "What turkey?"

The game warden said, "That turkey you're carrying under your arm."

The boy look down and said, "Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!"

The game warden said, "Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you. If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?

The little boy said, "I guess I'll kiss his ass3 and let him go."

爆笑死人的英语笑话：Facts of life

One day a little girl went up to her mother and asked, "Mom, where did I come from?"

Her mother stammered a bit, but finally regained her composure. She thought it must be time that her daughter learned the facts of life.

So, she told her daughter about how the expression of love resulted in the beginning of life, how life developed in the womb and finally how a child was born.

As she explained, her daughter's eyes got wider and wider.

When she was finished, the little girl said "Wow, that's really neat. That sure beats what Uncle Joe told me. He said that he came from Virginia."

爆笑死人的英语笑话：A great excuse 合适的借口

To make the rush hour easier, our smallgrocery1 store has a rule for children returning soft-drink bottles:

NO BOTTLES ACCEPTED AFTER FIVE O'CLOCK

One day neat closing time at 6:30, four young children arrived with bottles. Wanting to put a stop to this habit, Isternly2 asked each child if he was aware of the rules. Three shook their heads no, but the youngest said he knew. "Why then." I asked, "have you brought me these bottles?"

"I can't tell time yet." He said.

为了缓解购物高峰，我们这个小水果店为孩子们退饮料瓶做了如下规定：

五点钟以后不收瓶子

快到六点半下班的时候，四个孩子来退瓶子。为了制止他们的这个习惯，我故意很严肃的问每个孩子是否知道我们的规定。其中三个孩子都摇头表示不知道。只有那个最小的说他知道。“那你为什么还在这个时间来退瓶子呢?”我问他。

“我还不认识表呢!”他说。

爆笑死人的英语笑话：Tough Operation

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside an operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?”

The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out, and I’m a little nervous.”

The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up, they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It’s a breeze.”

The second kid then asks, “What are you here for?”

“A circumcision,” the first kid answers.

“Whoa!” the second kid says. “Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born. I couldn’t walk for a year.”

爆笑死人的英语笑话：Childproof cap

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller.

She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle.

Seeing her frustration, her mom explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for her.

Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked, "How does it know it's me?