冷笑话不同于一般的笑话，以其独特的制笑机制，能瞬间制造出一种特殊氛围。本文是七年级上册英语笑话，希望对大家有帮助!

七年级上册英语笑话：An amazing talking dog

A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man proclaims, "I'll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk."

Bartender: "Yeah! Sure...go ahead."

Man: "What covers a house?"

Dog: "Roof!"

Man: "How does sandpaper feel?"

Dog: "Rough!"

Man: "Who was the greatest ball player of all time?"

Dog: "Ruth!"

Man: "Pay up. I told you he could talk."

The bartender, annoyed at this point, throws both of them out the door. Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the guy and says, "or is the greatest player Mantle?"

七年级上册英语笑话：Good Calculation

"I am sorry, madam, but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth." "Twenty dollars! Why, I understood you to say that you charged on ly four dollars for such work!" "Yes." replied the dentist, "but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office."

如此计算 “对不起，夫人，为您的孩子拔牙，我们要收取20美元。”

“20美元!为什么?不是说只要4美元吗?”

“是的，”牙医回答说：“但是这孩子大喊大叫，把另外4个病人吓跑了。”

七年级上册英语笑话：Police Chase

A man was driving home late one afternoon,and he was driving above the speed limit.He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view morror.He thinks,"I can outrun this guy,"so he floors it and the race is on.The cars are racing down the highway-60,70,80,90 miles an hour.Finally,as his speedometer passes 100,the guy figures "what the heck,"and gives up.He pulls over to the curb.The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car.He leans down and says"listen mister,I've had a really lousy day,and I just want to go home.Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go."

The man thought for a moment and said,"Three weeks ago,my wife ran off with a police officer.When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror,I thouget you were that officer and you were trying to give her back to me!"

七年级上册英语笑话：医院

A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50 percent.

The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch.

七年级上册英语笑话： 洪水

There once was a flood and everyone had reached safety except for one man. He climbed to the top of his house with the water lapping at his feet. A helicopter flew over his head and hung down a rope for him to climb, but the man was deeply religious and said, "It's all right! The Lord will save me!" So the helicopter flew away. The water continued to rise and a boat came to him ,but once again, the man shouted, "No! Go AWAY! the Lord will come and save me!" and once again, the boat sped off. The water was getting dangerously deep by now so the helicopter came back and, on cue, the man repeated, "I don't need saving! My Lord will come." Reluctantly, the helicopter left. The rain continued to pour, the water continued to rise and the man drowned. At the gates of heaven, the man met St. Peter. Confused, he asked, "Peter, I have lived the life of a faithful man - why did my Lord not rescue me?" St. Peter replied, "For pity sake! He sent you two helicopters and a boat!"