笑话起着积极维稳的作用，笑话给老百姓提供了一个简单且可容忍的，让他们吐槽和发泄不满的方式。小编精心收集了简单的幽默英语笑话短文，供大家欣赏学习!

简单的幽默英语笑话短文：三只乌龟

Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee. Just as they got into the cafe, it started to rain.

The biggest turtle said to the smallest one, " Go home and get the umbrella."

The little turtle replied, "I will, if you don't drink my offee."

"We won't," the other two promised.

Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle, "Well, I guess he isn't coming back, so we might as well drink his coffee."

Just then a voice called from outside the door, "If you do, I won't go."

三只乌龟决定去喝咖啡。它们刚到咖啡店的门口，就下起雨来。于是最大的那只乌龟对最小的乌龟说，“回家去取伞吧。”

最小的乌龟说，“如果你们不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去。”

“我们不喝，”另外两只乌龟答应说。

两年后，大乌龟对中乌龟说，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回来了，我们可以把它的咖啡喝掉了。”

正在这时，一个声音从门外传来，“你们要是喝了，我就不去。”

简单的幽默英语笑话短文：罕见

4-year-old Begin and his cousin scrambled (攀爬，争抢) for toys. His mum told him: “ You are older brother because you’re older than your (cousin) sister. You should give ground to her. ” Begin thought a little but maintained(坚持) : “ My sister must give ground to me when she grows older than I.” His uncle around overheard and said : “Such a thing hardly occurs.”

四岁的贝京和小妹妹争玩具。妈妈对他说：“你大，你是哥哥，要让着小妹妹点儿。” 贝京想了想，坚持说：“等妹妹长得比我大了，她也得让着我。”姨夫在一旁听了说：“这种情况相当罕见。

简单的幽默英语笑话短文：Boss and I

My Boss and I When I take a long time, I am slow. When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough. When I don't do it, I am lazy. When my boss doesn't do it, he is too busy. When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart. When my boss does the same, that is initiative. When I please my boss, I am ass-kissing. When my boss pleases his boss, he is co-operating. I do good, my boss never remembers. When I do wrong, he never forgets.

我做事情花了长时间，是效率低; 老板做事情花了长时间，是深思熟虑。 我没有做完事情，是懒惰; 老板没有做完事情，是太繁忙。 没有人告诉我的事情我做了，是自作聪明; 老板做了同样的事情，是首创。 我取悦老板，是献媚; 老板取悦他的老板，是合作。 我干得好，老板从来不会想起; 我干得不好，老板从来不会忘记。

简单的幽默英语笑话短文：招客有方

At the cleaner's, I noticed the sign "In by 10 a. m. , out by 5 p. m. " so I told the owner that I wanted to pick my clothing up at five. "it won't be ready," he said.

"But your sign says, 'In by 10 a. m. , out by 5 p. m.'," I reminded him.

"Oh," he replied, "that means me.

在洗衣店，我看到招牌上写着：“上午10点进，下午5点出。”因此我就告诉店主我想在下午5点取衣。“下午5点还不能取，”他说。 “但是你的牌子上写着：‘上午10点进，下午5点出’，”我提醒他说。

“哦，”他回答说，“那指的是我。”