英语笑话是一种经过艺术加工的语言形式,是艺术化的语言,笑话是一种艺术方法。下面是小编整理的地道英语笑话，欢迎大家阅读!

地道英语笑话：冰箱里的储蓄罐

My cousin always "borrows" money from her older brother's piggy bank, which drives him crazy.

我表妹总是从她哥哥的小猪扑满里“借钱”，她哥哥对此事感到很愤怒。

One day, she found the piggy in, of all places, the refrigerator.

一天，表妹四处寻找，最后竟然在冰箱里发现了扑满。

Inside was this note: "Dear sister, I hope you'll understand, but my capital has been frozen."

扑满里有张纸条：“亲爱的妹妹，我希望你能够理解，我的资产现在已被冻结。”

地道英语笑话：I Understand Him我懂他的话

While eating in a restaurant, I reprimanded my four-year-old son for speaking with his mouth full . "Mump umn Kmpfhm," was all I heard.

"Drew," I scolded, "no one can understand a word you're saying.

"He says he wants some ketchup," my husband said calmly . A woman sitting nearby leaned over and asked, "How in the world did you understand him?"

"I'm a dentist," my husband explained.

在饭店吃饭的时候，我申斥我4岁的儿子，因为他满嘴食物在说话。“喔、呢”，我听到的就是这些。 “祖，”我责备道，“没人明白你在说什么。” “他说他要一些番茄酱，”我丈夫平静地说。坐在旁边的一位妇女靠过来问道：“你究竟如何明白他的话的呢?” “我是牙医。”我丈夫解释道。

地道英语笑话：我为什么逃避手术

A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.

一位男士在进行手术前被发现正沿着医院的大厅逃离。

"What's the matter?" he was asked.

“发生了什么?”有人问他。

He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'"

男士回答道：“我听见护士说，‘这只是一个简单的手术。不用担心，我相信不会出问题的。’”

"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"

“她这样做是想让你感到安心啊，有什么好害怕的?”

"She was talking to the damn doctor!"

“可她是在对那该死的手术医生说!”

地道英语笑话：The Cemetery Shortcut为抄近路走墓地

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.

万圣节派对过后，两男人图个乐呵，打算抄近路穿过墓地回家。

Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

走到墓地中央时，他们被从迷雾中传来的“答、答、答”声惊吓到了。

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

正当两人害怕得浑身颤抖时，他们看到是个老头拿着铁锤和凿子，在一块墓石上凿着什么。

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

“哇塞，先生，”其中一人喘了口气说，“你把我们吓得半死啊，我们还以为遇上鬼了呢!那么晚了你在这里做什么?”

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

“那帮白痴!”老头抱怨道，“他们把我名字拼错啦!”

地道英语笑话：保证没走错To be on the Safe Side

In a cinema during a performance one of the audience gets up, makes his way along the row of seats and goes out into the foyer.

在一家电影院里，一名观众在演出期间站了起来，沿着他那排位子走到休息室去了。

A few minutes later he returns and asks the man sitting at the head of the row:

几分钟后，他回到那排位子并问坐在首位的那位男士道：

"Excuse me, was it your foot I stepped on when I was going out a moment ago?"

“对不起，请问我刚才出去的时候是踩着你的脚吗?”

"Yes, but it doesn't really matter. It didn't hurt at all."

“是的，不过没什么关系，一点也不疼。”

"Oh, no, it isn't that. I only want to make sure that this is my row."

“噢，不，我不是这个意思。我只是想确认一下这是不是我的那排位子。”

地道英语笑话：传教士买鹦鹉A preacher is buying a parrot

A preacher is buying a parrot.

一个传教士在买鹦鹉。

"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.

“你确信它不会尖叫，大叫或诅咒别人吗?”传教士问。

"Oh absolutely. He's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.

“噢，绝对不会。它是一只虔诚的鹦鹉。”店主向他保证。

"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."

“你看见它腿上的那些细绳了吗?当你拉动右边这根，它会背诵天主经;当你拉动左边那根，它会背诵赞美诗。”

"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"

“太棒了!”传教士说，“但是如果我同时拉动两根绳子，会发生什么呢?”

"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.

“我会从树干上掉下去，你这个笨蛋!”鹦鹉尖声说道。

地道英语笑话：谁才是有色人种

Dear white, something you got to know

亲爱的白种人，有几件事你必须知道。

When I was born, I was black.

当我出生时，我是黑色的

When I grow up, I am black.

我长大了，我是黑色的

When I’m under the sun, I’m black.

我在阳光下，我是黑色的

When I’m cold, I’m black.

我寒冷时，我是黑色的

When I’m afraid, I’m black.

我害怕时，我是黑色的

When I’m sick, I’m black.

我生病了，我是黑色的

When I die, I’m still black.

当我死了，我仍是黑色的。

you—white people,

你——白种人

When you were born, you were pink.

当你出生时，你是粉红色的

When you grow up, you become white.

你长大了，变成白色的

You’re red under the sun.

你在阳光下，你是红色的

You’re blue when you’re cold.

你寒冷时，你是青色的

You are yellow when you’re afraid.

你害怕时，你是黄色的

You’re green when you’re sick.

你生病时，你是绿色的

You’re gray when you die.

当你死时，你是灰色的

And you, call me color?

然后，你叫我“有色种人”?

地道英语笑话：钱不用找了

Selling secondhand books at our church bazaar, I got into an argument with a prospective customer. He was interested in buying The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash but claimed it was overpriced at 35 cents. Other paperbacks were selling for ten or 15 cents each.

在教堂的义卖市上卖旧书时，我与一名准备买东西的顾客发生了一场争论。他对购买袖珍奥金.纳什集颇感兴趣，但是说它要三十五美分开价过高。其它的平装书每本才卖十或十五美分。

I pointed out that the book was in good condition. Nash was a fun poet, and it was for a good cause. He said it was a matter of principle. Ultimately, I agreed to sell him the book for 15 cents. Triumphant, he paid with a $10 bill. "Keep the change," he said.

我指出这本书保存状况颇好，纳什是个有趣的诗人，这个要价是合理的。他说这是个原则问题。最终，我同意以十五美分的价格将这本书卖给他。他得意洋洋，拿出一张十美元的票子付帐。“零钱不用找了。”他说。

地道英语笑话：咒语

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

一个男人找到一个巫婆，要求她解开一条困扰了自己40年的咒语。

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

巫婆说："或许我可以做的到，但你必须一字不落地告诉我下咒的时候说的那句咒语。"

The old man says without hesitation - "I now pronounce you man and wife."

男人毫不犹豫的答道：“‘我现在宣布你们成为夫妇。’”

地道英语笑话：幽默小火花

Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa.

钞票不是万能的，有时还需要信用卡。

Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.

成功是一个相关名词，他会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚。

Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.

不要等明天交不上差再找借口，今天就要找好。

"Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep.

“现在的梦想决定着你的将来”，所以还是再睡一会吧!

地道英语笑话：Two Birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师：这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗?

学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

地道英语笑话：The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

鱼网

“你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安?”老师发问道。

“把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。”小女孩回答道。

地道英语笑话：The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

"I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said

that two and four were six too....."

新老师

9月1日，乔治放学回到家里。“乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗?” 妈妈问。

“妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。”