下面是小编整理的英语爆笑短笑话，欢迎大家阅读!

英语爆笑短笑话：理发师

Harry: "My big brother shaves every day."

哈里：“我哥哥每天都刮脸。”

Henry: "My brother shaves fifty times a day."

亨利：“我哥哥每天刮50次脸。”

Harry: "Is he crazy?"

哈里：“他疯了吗?”

Henry: "No, he's a barber."

亨利：“没有，他是一名理发师。”

英语爆笑短笑话：年少无知

Jimmy is three years old.

吉米3岁了。

One day, he was gazing out of the window when the night fell. He suddenly shouted, "Mum, mum, come close the window!"

一天，他正在窗口观望，夜幕降临。他突然喊道：“妈妈，妈妈，快来关窗!”

"Why? It's not cold, sonny."

“为什么?天不冷呀，宝贝。”

"Yes, mum, but the night will come inside."

“是的，妈妈，可黑夜会进来。”

英语爆笑短笑话：快速靠岸

A guy I know was towing his boat home from a fishing trip to Lake Huron when his car broke down. He didn't have his cell phone with him, but he thought maybe he might be able to raise someone on his marine radio to call for roadside assistance. He climbed into his boat, clicked on the radio and said, "Mayday, mayday." A Coast Guard officer came on and said, "State your location." "I-75, two miles south of Standish." After a very long pause, the officer asked, "How fast were you going when you reached shore?"

在休伦湖钓完鱼后，我的一个朋友开车拖着他的船回家。路上车坏了。 他没带手机，不过，他想，也许他可以通过海事无线广播来请求公路援助。 于是，他爬到他的船里面，启动了无线装置，喊道，“求救，求救”。一名海岸护卫队警官作出了回应，“报告你的位置”。“I-75号公路，Standish的南面两英里”。沉默了好一会之后，警官问我的朋友，“你的船靠岸时开得有多快?”

英语爆笑短笑话：冰箱里的小兔子

A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves, "What are you doing in there?" she asked.

一位女士打开冰箱门，发现一只兔子坐在其中的一层隔板上，就问它：“你在那里做什么?”

The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?"

兔子回答：“这是Westinghouse对不对?”(Westinghouse，西屋电气公司)

The lady confirmed, "Yes."

女士确认道：“没错。”

"Well," the rabbit said,"I'm westing."

兔子说：“那就对了，我就是要往西边去。”

Rabbit: Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?

兔子：你确信这瓶特制胡萝卜汁能治好我的病?

Doctor: Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another.

医生：当然咯，凡是喝过的兔子没有一只来要第二瓶的。

Baby Rabbit: Mommy, where did I come from?

兔宝宝：妈咪，我是从哪儿来的呢?

Mother Rabbit: I'll tell you when you're older.

兔妈妈：等你长大点再告诉你。

Baby Rabbit: Oh, Mommy, please, tell me now.

兔宝宝：噢妈咪，现在就告诉我吧，求您了。

Mother Rabbit: If you must know, you were pulled from a magician's hat.

兔妈妈：如果你一定要知道，那我告诉你你是从魔术师的帽子里被拽出来的。

英语爆笑短笑话：我们分享一切

An elderly couple goes to Burger King, where they carefully split a burger and fries.

一对老夫妇在汉堡王餐厅吃饭，他们小心翼翼地将汉堡和薯条分成两份。

A trucker takes pity on them and offers to buy the wife her own meal.

一个卡车司机非常同情他们，就提议想给老太太单独点一份。

"It's all right," says the husband. "We share everything."

“没关系的。”老先生说，“我们分享一切。”

A few minutes later, the trucker notices that the wife hasn't taken a bite.

几分钟后，卡车司机注意到老太太还没动口吃一点东西。

"I really wouldn't mind buying your wife her own meal," he insists.

他再次对老先生说，“我真的不介意请您妻子吃一顿……”

"She'll eat," the husband assures him. "We share everything."

“她会吃的，”老先生向他保证，“我们分享一切。”

Unconvinced, the trucker implores the wife, "Why aren't you eating?"

司机不太相信，恳求老太太，“你为什么不吃一点?”

The wife snaps, "Because I'm waiting for the teeth!"

老太太咂咂嘴，“我在等他的假牙。”

英语爆笑短笑话：I Am Going to Shop 我要去购物啦

“Cash, check or charge?” I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

我帮来购物的女士包好东西后，问道：“是付现金、支票还是记账呢?” 当她找钱包的时候，我注意到她的包包里竟放着一个电视遥控器。

“Do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.

我问：“你一直都随身带电视遥控器的吗?”

“No,” she replied. “But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him.”

她回答说：“不是啦。但我老公不乐意跟我一起来购物，所以我决定拿走他的遥控器来惩罚他。”

英语爆笑短笑话：圣诞老人的爱好

What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden?

Answer: he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe.

圣诞老人喜欢在花园里做什么?

答案：锄地。(英文里Hoe 和ho同音。hoe是锄草之意，ho则是圣诞老人的笑声。)

英语爆笑短笑话：铅笔

What do you do if one of Santa’s reindeer swallows your pencil?

Answer: use a pen.

若圣诞老人的驯鹿吃掉你的铅笔该怎么办?

答案：用原子笔

英语爆笑短笑话：1000元的脑筋急转弯

On Christmas Eve Santa Claus met an honest politician and a kind lawyer while riding up in an elevator of a very exclusive hotel.

Just before the doors opened the three of them noticed a 1000NT bill lying on the floor. Which one of them do you think picked it up?

圣诞节前夕，圣诞老人和一清廉的政治人物，以及一心地善良的律师在一家高级饭店一同等电梯，门还未开前，三人同时看到地上有一张新台币1000元的钞票，猜猜谁会将它捡起?

Answer: Santa of course! Why? Because everybody knows that the other two don’t exist!

答案：当然是圣诞老人啦!为什么?因为大家都知道另外两者并不存在。

英语爆笑短笑话：法官与小偷

It was the Christmas season and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,

“What is your offense?”

“I did my Christmas shopping early this year,” cried the prisoner.

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” said the Judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”

“Before the store opened,” answered the prisoner

圣诞佳节到来，法官心情愉悦的问受刑人：

“你做了什么坏事啊?”

“我今年圣诞节购物早了些。”犯人回答。

“那并不事件坏事”，法官说：“到底多早之前啊?”

“商店开门之前。”犯人答道。

英语爆笑短笑话：The Three Stages of Man男性成长三阶段

He believes in Santa Claus.

He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus.

He is Santa Claus!

相信圣诞老人的存在。

不相信圣诞老人的存在。

自己是个圣诞老人!

英语爆笑短笑话：Motivation 动机

MY ENGLISH PROFESSOR once launched into a lecture on "motivation." "What pushes you ahead?" he asked. "What is it that makes you go to school each day? What driving force makes you strive to accomplish?" Turning suddenly to one young woman, he demanded: "What makes you get out of bed in the morning?" The student replied: "My mother."

我们英文课的教授有一次在课上讲“动机”。“是什么推动你在人生的路上向前走?”他问道，“是什么让你每天上学来?又是什么驱使你追求成功?”冲着一个女学生，他问：“是什么让你早晨从床上爬起来的呢?”学生答道：“我妈妈。”