冷笑话是近几年才出现的新兴语言现象，它以网络为主要的传播方式。它是幽默的一种特殊的表现形式，主要流传于网页，微博，贴吧等。小编精心收集了短一些英语小笑话带翻译，供大家欣赏学习!

短一些英语小笑话带翻译：三个修道士

There were three pious monks. These monks were so pious，in fact，that the head abbot decided one day to reward their devotion by granting them each one day of sin，on the condition that they confess their activities to him at the end of the day.

有三个虔诚的修道士，他们非常的虔诚，以至于修道院院长决定，在他们愿意交待一天的所作所为的条件下，允许他们每个人犯一回戒，以示对他们虔诚的奖励。

So，the day come，and the three monks went off into the night to indulge in all manner of sin.

所以，当这天夜色来临的时候三个修道土就趁着夜色下山去犯戒去了。

The first monk sauntered in at 1:00 in the morning, and tried to sneak upstairs to bed. But the head abbot，who was waiting up for the three，stopped him and demanded that he relate his doings.

第一个修道士在凌晨一点的时候悄悄地回来了，他想偷偷的上楼睡觉去，但是正在等待三人的院长叫住了他，问他都干了什么。

"No, head abbot，”the first monk said，"it’s too evil for me to admit!”

“没干什么，院长”，第一个修道士说，“对于我来说那太坏了，我不能说出来!”

"'The deal was for you to tell me everything you did，otherwise you will not receive absolution!” said the abbot.

“说好的，你告诉我所有你千的事情，否则不能免你的罪!”院长说。

So the first monk agreed to tell what he did. "I-I-I drank! And I did all manner of drugs! And 1 smoked marijuana, cocaine and. . .”

第一个修道士就同意说出他干了什么。“我，我，我喝酒了!我吸了各种各样的毒品!我吸了大麻、可卡因、还有……”

"Enough!”said the head abbot，enraged. "Those are evil sins, but I promised to forgive you. Go out back，drink some Holy Water, say some prayers and you will be forgiven in the morning.”

“够了!”院长生气地说，“那些太罪过了，但是我曾许诺原谅你，回去喝一些圣水，然后祈祷，早上就会被原谅的。”

The first monk thankfully went off to follow the abbot’s instructions.

第一个修道士感激地走了，他去按照院长的指示去做了。

The second monk wandered in at 2:00 AM. "What did you do last night?" demanded the head abbot.

第二个修道士在凌晨两点的时候回来。“你昨晚做了什么?”院长问。

"I can’t say! It's much too evil!”

“我不能说!那太罪恶了!”

"The agreement was that you must tell me everything you did!”

“我们说好的，你必须告诉我!”

"Okay，”agreed the second monk." I had all kinds of meat. l had port，beef ,chicken，horse,and even a dog...”

“好吧”，第二个修道士说，“我吃了各种各样的肉。有猪肉、牛肉、鸡肉、马肉、甚至还吃了狗肉……”

Enough!” cried the head abbot. "That is a truly great sin. But I promised to give you absolution. Go out back and drink some Holy Water. “Then say some prayers and you will be forgiven in the morning.”

“够了!”院长大叫道:“那真是太罪过了。但是我曾许诺原谅你。回去喝一些圣水，然后祈祷，早上就会被原谅的。”

The second monk sauntered off to do just that.

第二个修道士按照院长所说的去做了。

And the third and final monk crawled in at 3:00 in the morning.

第三个修道士最终在凌晨三点的时候回来了。

"What ," asked the head abbot, "did you do this evening?"

院长问:“你昨晚干了什么?”

"No, head abbot, it's too great a sin to admit. I cannot tell!"

“不，院长，那太罪恶了，我不能说!”

"The agreement, monk! You must tell me!"

“修道士，别忘了我们事先说好的。你必须告诉我!”

The third monk bowed his head and nodded. "All right, head abbot. Last night I…I…"

第三个修道士低下他的头说:“好吧院长，我说，昨天晚上我，我……”

"Yes?"

“怎么样了?”

"I pissed in the Holy Water."

“我在圣水里撒了尿!”

短一些英语小笑话带翻译：春季种植

The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady. For almost a week he made a complete nuisance of himself, irritating both staff and the other patients，demanding attention and expecting his every order to be followed immediate1y. He was in a six-man ward rather than a private room, his meals were too cold or not served to suit his taste, the light needed to be adjusted to his demands, the nighttime activities interfered with his rest… and on，and on.

一位将军因为一点小病在一所军队医院里接受治疗。整整一周他都在挑刺找麻烦，这使医院的工作人员和病友们对他很反感。他苛刻的要求他的每个命令都要得到执行。他住在一个六人病房里，他的饭不能是凉的，也不能不合他的口味，就连灯光也要调到他需要的亮度，夜里有什么动静也不能影响他的休息，等等。

One afternoon an orderly entered the room. "Time to take your temperature, General.”

一天下午一个勤务兵走进病房。“该测体温了，将军。”

After growling at the orderly，the general opened his mouth to accept the thermometer.

在和这个勤务兵咆哮了一通之后，将军张开了他的嘴同意测量体温。

"Sorry, General，but for this test we need your temperature from the other end.”

“对不起，将军，但是这回要测的是您直肠温度。”

A whole new barrage of verbal abuse followed, but the orderly was insistent that a rectal temperature was what the test called for. The general at last rolled over, bared his rear, and allowed the orderly to proceed. The orderly then told the general, "Stay exactly like that and don' t move. I’11 be back in five minutes to check up on you and withdraw.”

又一阵疯狂的言语辱骂之后，那个勤务兵执意坚持要测的是直肠体温。最后，将军翻了过去，脱下了裤子，接着卫兵开始了测量。那个勤务兵对将军说:“就这样不要动，我五分钟后回来检查后再拿出来。”

An hour later, the head nurse entered the room. saw the general with his bare rear in the air and gasped，" W hat’s going on here?”

一个小时之后，护十长走进病房，看见将军露着他的屁股就问:“这是怎么回事?”

"Haven’t you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" the general barked.

“你没看见有人正在接受体温测量吗?”那个将军大声嚷道。

"Yes I have，General，but with a daffodil?"

“是的，我看见了。将军，但是那不是温度计而是一棵水仙呀。”

短一些英语小笑话带翻译：一只勇敢的猪

我小时候住在华盛顿，爸爸常常带着我们到南部的卡罗莱纳州去度周末，在那里我们看到了“真正的生活”是什么样子。爸爸会沿路开着车，然后把车停到路边的农场去和那里的人聊天。

I lived in DC when I was young，and dad used to take us on weekend trips south into the Carolina, so that we could see what "real life" was like. He'd just drive along the road for a while, and then pull over at some farm and start talking to the people there.

爸爸和一个农妇聊天的时候我发现了这只猪……

Dad was chatting up a farmer's wife once，when I discovered this pig. . .

它是一只漂亮的猪。但是它只有三条腿。右后腿是木头做的!我对这个很好奇，于是就问那个农民:

It was a nice pig. But it only had three legs. The right back leg was wooden! Well、I was as curious as could he，so I asked the farmer:

“先生，为什么你的猪有一只木头腿?”

"Excuse me. sir. Why does your pig have a wooden leg?”

“是这样的，孩子。这是一只勇敢的猪。一天深夜当我和妻子在房里睡觉的时候，这只猪跑进来把我们都叫醒。我们这才发现是着火了。我们因此得以生还。”

"Well, boy. What is a courageous pig. The wife and me were asleep in the house one night，when that pig came running in and woke us up. The whole place was ablaze. We just got out alive.”

“这只猪的腿是在着火的时候被烧坏的吗?”

"And the pig got its leg burned up in the fire?"

“不是，它完好地跑了出去。事实上，它还冲进火场救了我们的孩子。”

"Nope. Pig got out just fine. Matter of fact, he even went back in and saved the kids.”

“那么这只猪为什么会有只木头腿呢?”

“Then why does the pig have a wooden 1eg?”

“我告诉你了，孩子。那是一只勇敢的猪!一只英雄猪!是它救了我们全家的命!”

“I told you，boy. That is a BRAVE pig! A heroic pig! That pig saved our lives!”

“是的，先生。但是为什么它有只木头腿呢?”

"Yes，sir. But why does he have a wooden leg?"

“孩子，像这样的一只猪我们是舍不得一次把它全部吃掉的!”

"Boy, a pig like that，you don’t eat all in one sitting!”