下面是小编整理的趣味搞笑英语笑话，欢迎大家阅读!

趣味搞笑英语笑话：The boy and the snails 男孩和蜗牛

A farmer's boy went looking for snails, and, when he had picked up both his hands full, he set about making a fire at which to roast them; for he meant to eat them. When it got well alight and the snails began to feel the heat, they gradually withdrew more and more into their shells with the hissing noise they always make when they do so. When the boy heard it, he said, "You abandoned creatures, how can you find heart to whistle when your houses are burning?"

一个乡下少年到处寻找蜗牛，当他双手都塞满了蜗牛后，就准备点火烤着吃。火点着了，蜗牛也开始感觉到热了，他们纷纷退向坚壳的深处，同时还发出“咝咝”的噪音。男孩子听到了蜗牛发出的嘘声，便说：“你们这些连命都快没有的家伙，怎么还能有心情在窝里着火时吹口哨呢?”

趣味搞笑英语笑话：Don't Argue with Children 不要和小孩争论

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically1 impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that a whale swallowed Jonah.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated2 that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

一个小女孩和她的老师正在谈论有关鲸鱼的事情。

她的老师说：“一头鲸鱼从身体构造的角度看，是不可能吞掉一个人的。因为尽管鲸鱼是一种非常巨大的哺乳动物，可它的嗓子非常小。”

那个小女孩说约拿(一位西伯来先知)就是被鲸鱼吞掉的。

她的老师非常生气，她再次告诉小女孩说：“从身体构造角度来讲，鲸鱼是不可能吞掉一个人的。”

那个小女孩说：“那等我到了天堂，就去问问约拿。”

她的老师问：“那么，假如约拿下了地狱怎么办?”

那个小女孩回答：“如果是那样的话，你就去问他。”

趣味搞笑英语笑话：A Duel 决斗

Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody1 nose, black eye, and torn clothing.

It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. His father asked his son what happened. "Well, Dad," said Pete, "I challenged Larry to a duel2. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."

"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."

"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"

小彼得从操场回到家时，鼻子流血、黑眼圈及被撕破了衣服。

显然他刚与人恶斗了一番，而且打输了。父亲问儿子发生了什么事。“噢，爸爸，彼得说，我向拉里挑起决斗，而且我让他挑选武器。”

“嗯，”父亲说，“这看上去很公平!”

“我知道，但我没想到他选择了他姐姐!”

趣味搞笑英语笑话：Boy, Oh Boy 让人无奈的孩子

When they're together, my five-year-old son and his cousin tend to cause mayhem. one Saturday, I put my foot down. "All right, you two," I said sternly. "No screaming , grabbing, whining, hitting, teasing, tattling, breaking toys, scratching or fighting."

As I turned to leave, I heard my son say, "C'mon, Steven, let's get dirty . "

我五岁的儿子和他的表弟在一起的时候，总要招来大乱。一个星期六，我开始抗议了。“好啦，你们两个，”我严厉地说，“不许叫喊，不许乱拿，不许哭闹，不许乱敲，不许取笑，不许扯淡，不许弄坏玩具，不许乱抓，不许打架。” 我刚转身要走，就听我儿子说：“来，斯蒂文，我们来把自己弄脏吧。”

趣味搞笑英语笑话：Reason of Punishment 惩罚的原因

One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do.

The mother exclaimed, But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?

The little girl replied, My homework.

一天，小女孩从学校回到家里，对妈妈说：妈妈，今天在学校里我因为一件我没有做的事情而受到惩罚。

妈妈激动地说：那真是太可怕了!我要跟你的老师好好谈一谈，对了，你没有做过的那件事是什么?

小女孩回答说：我的家庭作业。

趣味搞笑英语笑话：一场特殊的足球比赛

Mike was late for school. He said to his teacher, Mr. Black, "Excuse me for my coming late, sir. I watched a football match in my dream."

"Why did it make you late?" inquired the teacher.

"Because neither team could win the game, so it lasted a long time." replied Mike.

麦克上学迟到了。他对布莱克老师说：“对不起，老师，今天早上我迟到了。因为我在梦里观看了一场球赛。”

“为什么它会让你迟到呢?”老师问道。

“因为这两个队都没有能力获胜，所以就持续的时间长了。”麦克回答说。