“一笑解千愁”,笑对人类来说是永恒的,人在生活中不能没有笑。本文是关于儿童英文笑话，希望对大家有帮助!

关于儿童英文笑话：Ketchup

A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind.

The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says,

"Ketchup!"

关于儿童英文笑话：Smart Kid

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

关于儿童英文笑话：Food 1 liners

The snack bar next door to an atom smasher was called "The Fission Chips."

On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes. She blew her stack.

A new chef from India was fired a week after starting the job. He keep favoring curry.

A couple of kids tried using pickles for a Ping-Pong game. They had the volley of the Dills.

The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.

A friend got some vinegar in his ear, now he suffers from pickled hearing.

Overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you.

Sign in restaurant window: "Eat now - Pay waiter."

I thought you were trying to get into shape?

I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle.

关于儿童英文笑话：Blind Man in Texas

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas.

When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!"

The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar.

Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!"

The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located.

The bartender replied, "Second door to the right."

The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door.

Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"

关于儿童英文笑话：Little Suzy

When Suzy got home, she told her dad that she got a 100 in school.

Her dad told her to sit down and tell him all about it.

She said, "Well, I got a 20 in math, a 30 in science, and a 50 in spelling!

关于儿童英文笑话：A Child's View

After a Christmas break, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their

holidays. One small boy wrote the following...

" We always used to spend Christmas with Grandpa and Grandma. They used to

live here in a big brick home, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to

Florida. Now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They all

live in little tin boxes. They ride on big three-wheeled tricycles and they all wear nametags because they don't know whom they are. They go to a big building called a wreckinghall; but if it was wrecked, they got it fixed because it's all right now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them

very good."

"There is a swimming pool there. They go into it and just stand there with

their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim."

As you go into their park, there is a dollhouse with a little man sitting in it. He watches all day so they can't get out without him seeing them. When they can sneak out they go to the beach and pick up shells that they think are

dollars."

"My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody cooks, they just eat out. They eat the same thing every night, Early Birds. Some of the people are so retarded that they don't know how to cook at all, so my Grandma and Grandpa bring food into the wrecked hall and they call it 'pot luck'."

"My Grandma says Grandpa worked hard all his life and earned his retardment. I wish they would move back up here, but I guess the little man in the dollhouse won't let them out.

关于儿童英文笑话：History of Phones

German scientists dug 50 meters underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nation-wide telephone network.

Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. 100 meters down, they found small pieces of glass, and they soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nation-wide fibernet.

Israeli scientists were outraged. They dug 50, 100 and 200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing...

They concluded that the ancient Hebrews 55,000 years ago had cellular telephones.ry of Phones